I was laying in the bath singing a high and slow drip version of Desperado
letting the warmth of the water make languid palms over my body
pale and a little bruised up always on the knees
Part way through I stopped
felt the exhaustion of the day sink into my dreams, the struggles, the wonderings, the constant forgiving of the clocks, breathe in, let it go, sometimes I can't finish my own refrains, reach for the drain, see my reflection always changed, seep into the silence
and after a few missed beats
somewhere up above
a neighbor sang just as high as me and finished the rest of the song
Quivering just as I was
Tender and insane and still somehow strong
These are the moments where I feel I most belong

you're only 25    you don't have to have the world figured out at 25     just know time passes by   & soon you'll blink your eyes   and there goes half your life       

remember when you were 5   you held the world in your eyesyou held your head high   against the currents that rushed by

remember when you were 9     & that spark 1st started to drift &   why it became time to questionyourself as kids shot the moonwith pies & you were stapled    to it crying

the world has left you behind

remember 16 & driving& that boy driving you    against the wood on a   blanket against your willagainst your better mind & this is where you    learned to keep your mouth shut& let it slide   & thunder tore your skies   & your little school skirt   & thighs no longer innocentbut hungry for the lies   that boys who would come    to torture you (could only) provide

& remember when you were almost mineyour hair in your face as you    scratched (at )the world to find your place & nestled in my arms to pretendyou were safe & I promised you foreveras we drank eachothers blood &  swore that we would never be like them, the others, the world, our parents, the bosses, but somehow    we couldn't help it   & drew from what we knew

& I tore you in 2    just like my daddy did to my mama   just like your daddy did to you(rs)  & you cried & cursed us   & shut out the world    but still want me   even though I'm no good   because I'm no good

& blink shh blink

you're older than time   what did you do?   you were once only 25   with so much time so much lifeso much unknown   everywhere to roam   baby am I still your home?   baby are you still unknown?  baby is this what it means to be grown           (with) death on our breath   the barren wind in our souls

I love you      I love you      (4ever) don't you know

 

Excerpt from "the lost suicide ballads of honey & Thunder":

This girl and I used to find broken mirror portals in the lost skies of Hollywood
Somehow she failed me and I failed her
and our peter pan fingers slipped from miles to years
and the end all be all never came
and our kiss found a grave
in the scarlet dream of yesterday
And the nights we leapt from
out of our parents lies
a picket fence turned innocence into a barbed wired Barbie cross fire delusional future of sand castles blown into bedrooms of strangers that promised us danger and an escape shaped like love

a velvet rope
to string us up
for adoration and then to be thrown out

where we'd stumble together in the mornings laughing at our lack of control and wonder why we couldn't ever share  
      the same soul
and if only we know who we were supposed to be
it wouldn't be all so
                   so scary

Yes,
my fingers once picked her guitar as she whispered and shouted for a better god that I never wanted nor cared for at all
and now that we are not quite old   
i'll call her now and then and say
 remember when we almost loved
 but fate never drew us that same heart
and you went quiet into the wind
 and I exploded in the dark

 

DON'T WATCH ME FALL (lyrics for a song written for Malik Moore EP)
it's always on my mind
the things i can't leave behind
the details of my flaws

hang like copper from my thoughts  
      how can i fly if i only fall?
hold me to the rocks
leave the light in the lost
shatter those that i love

   how can i fly if i only fall?
don't don't don' you, don't don't don't you, watch me fall watch me fallwatch me fall
oh sweet stability
how come always you miss me
sink the promised of dawn
 slip of the fingers now i'm gone
    how can i fly if i only fall?
 i wake up and i'm strong
then somehow i don't belong
there's a crack in my soul
i misread how the stories told
   how can i fly if i only fall?
don't don't don' you, don't don't don't you, watch me fall watch me fall   watch me fall

PLUSH THE NOVEL    Plush ITUNES       Plush AMAZON

Excerpt: "Upstairs they go, upstairs into a world not their own. They’re marionettes fed by the depravity that exists in all of us, and when allowed to do anything, well, you can destroy everything. Wars. It’s so easy to understand why man would kill man, would kill themselves. All you have to do is not listen to that little light inside telling you, “No.” Shut it off. Drugged up on drugs or power, all of our desires tornado. Desire – it’s killing Jack. And Jack’s sadness is eating me. I’m watching the other half of what I am fall so far down.
Hello? Hello? Jack, where are you in that rabbit hole? I want to throw you a rope and white gloves. Our memories fall through. Blackness is eating you. The darkness, I know it hurts. Jack, come back to the light.
I feel in my gut that everything is wrong and everything is broken. I want to go up to stop him, but I don’t. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of his rage. I’m afraid to get in his way. Mousey me. I go quiet. And I drink a few more drinks.
They are laughing around me, this world.
It’s laughing at me.
The wolves howl.
I don’t know how to fix you."
-plush

 

Live Poetry Performance @ Hustler Store

Ah my beautiful and crooked Hollywood. My heart is full of your star graveyards and indecent dream's proposals cracking tar palm flightless gods excessive decadence and despair long tall legs begging everywhere to touch the sky from our knees ah Hollywood won't u give me some of u please like I give me to you in a forever surrender on sunset I lay hungry happy lost and lame found and betrayed but would we have it any other way? The ladder to the drowning stars always is a void playing broken promises in my car somewhere on the 101 a toy in a game we'll never understand only play and be played. Hollywood my heartache ... Is today the day?
 

excerpt from "Profane Flower" multimedia art show - just an echo

& we who lie w/ her

feel what it is

   to slowly fall apart


flesh flowers sensualized

roped by the tenderness

of the dark

   surrendering upon

  our ravished hearts

i scream for skin

rapture

to be used

to be wanted

to understand

             this cage of a body

            and all the fingers on it

            groping for love

               & some pure answer

                                                satisfaction

                                    or good

      in this fleeting moment

   between wandering worlds

 where i’m sure i’m so close to knowing,

to not cracking

to becooming what i could

before the stains of time

blow me away

& my song

becomes

just an

echo



                        here,

             i sing  

           broken

              with my skin in her nails

            her hair in my hands

   of the forgotten tomorrows


where I will be

     less than I am


                                    here

                           where pink blood floods

                        my words

                           thirsty after love

                    collapsed into some other

         other, other I don’t know AH – oh I don’t knowLOOK UP

   scales fall from the sky

            as her nails slide down

                                    rolling me like delicate thunder     

        her eyes scream

                        the clocks crack

             cars rush trembling trees in the black

            i almost know who i am

               i almost understand

   her moans, death, this

   silence to my pain,


     oh sweet night to which I surrender

 til dawn

                        when I wake

                                      & forget it all

                                                        again



                        please,

                                    please

                                                    come find me

                                                        & let me know

                                                        undress this moment

                                                                        once more


                                                 feel real

                                                            don’t let it go


                         i   don’t   want   tolivemy   life   just   as   an

           

                                                echo      echo      echo